So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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