I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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