I'm really into asian looking animals
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
