4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She's JV to your varsity
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
