Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
