I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
