We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
