oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
