i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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