His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
