All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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