Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
