There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
