I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
