Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
