Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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