She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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