Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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