The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
