True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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