i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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