he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
