its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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