we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize