I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
