i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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