Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
