I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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