My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
