so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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