are you still at the devil's house?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
