i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
