A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
