Im at strip club and am horny
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
