An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
