Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
