tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
