Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
