The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
