we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I smell like Dick and happiness
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
