I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
