Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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