Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize