I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
