I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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