It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize