We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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