I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
