My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently the secret to your success is patron
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
