If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
