have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
