saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
