She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
