Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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