soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
