Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize