They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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