Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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