I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
