Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have aggressive nipples.
Terrible idea I love it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
