How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
