He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
