i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
