i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
